◀ Edito

The Movie Revi-Eww^(TM)

On May 15, 2023

 In this second edition of our Movie Review^(TM), we will focus on the most important event of the telecommunistic news: the Live. For those who unfortunately couldn’t attend the last edition of the Live, we offer you a (more or less) detailed recap of every second of the Live.

First of all, they showed us videos of their vacations to make us have the “seum” (being envious). With almost all the clips being too long and too cool: skiing, surfing and waves. Then there were the videos from the Harry Sporter and Sportoutatis lists.

Harry Sporter

 From petanque to Sportgwarts? The return of Voldesport and its DeathFitters is near! Donovan is among them! But who is Donovan you ask? It will be up to you to find out who this mysterious character is… You can also take note of the quantity of puns present, if not their quality: Harry Sporter, KravMaghal, the sublimely and sexily Professor Prot or even BMX Lestrange and his Endolodips!

The development of the character of Voldesport, played by the president, is particularly touching, with her tragic backstory highlighting her isolation and her growing love for pétanque, as it can be played alone… That’s how she wants to take control of Sportlard using SportiNectar, during one of the BigPots, in order to demonstrate her supremacy in this southern pastaga drinking sport that is pétanque.

The students had strong suspicions that the sublimely sexy ProfProt was a mole working for VoldeSport. Indeed, many students adbuctions by the DeathFitters took place in the schools of the Platal surrounding Sportgwarts. Furthermore, the professor was seen wandering in the Forest of Troche where the DeathFitters are likely to roam… But Plot Twist! The sexissimo and subilimilal Professor Prot was indulging in a completely different type of activity that would make the most stoic of Sportwartsians blush! His actor with shining and well-defined muscles knew how to embody to perfection this role requiring exemplary self-denial and extraordinary modesty.

However, as objectively subjective critics, we must highlight the length of several shots… Despite the clever use of the RER for the HogwaRER and newspapers for foreshadowing, some sequences are too long, resulting in a video of over a dozen and a half minutes. The movements in the corridors are not always necessary to show on the screen.

Sportoutatis

Let’s start with these few questions, asked by the viewers, to which we will bring answers:

• Why are the villagers from the Village the ones presenting Nicolus Gladius Caesar’s challenges?
• What is the famous Magic Potion made of?
• Why are there five trials and what do they prove?
• But who is of the bureau?

At first glance, this first question could show what could potentially seem to be a scenaristic error. But nay! In the true reality, N.G.Caesar already controls the Village of the indomitable Gauls. From time to time, he proposes these challenges to Asterix and Obelix whenever they cause too much damage among the local law enforcement.

The second question may be of interest to all the athletes who read this article! The WN guarantees that the Magic Potion will pass all anti-doping controls, especially the (non-existent) TOSS’s. But what’s in it? Our extensive research will reveal all its secrets! Everything leads us to believe that ProfProt is one of the proud heirs of Getafix who has adapted the Magic Potion to modern tastes through numerous scientifico-magical developments.
The main ingredient, in proportion, is naturally water. Then you can add zucchini, tomatoes, white beans, carrots, pasta and broth. This is a priori PM, in the role of the little troublemaker, who drinks the Magic Potion. As the initials of Pierre-Mhenri suggest.

For the third question, we will provide a detailed and comprehensive analysis of the five trials. In the order of their appearance on the screen (with a few permutations), the famous Gauls had to solve Bigdix’s riddles, defeat Sijtatrapjtenix in the Chinese arm wrestling competition, beat Insagramix in the solve Bigdix’s riddles, drink without dormix and finally find Dufour. The riddles are obviously a good way to test the competitors’ endurance, as we must remind you that Bigdix lives at the top of the big staircase of the Guichet (about 363 steps, to be precise (yes yes I counted them several times (with suitcases)))). Sijtatrapjtenix is there to test the dexterity of their hands and more factually the one of their fingers, Obelix had to use some Magic Potion to defeat him. Finally, the three others are only used as fillers to introduce the members of the office… Let us recall moreover that the WN has already treated the research of Dufourd in its edition of April 15, 2023, would our dear Gauls be illiterate?

This last question, which is legitimate, raises many concerns, especially about the distribution of the screen time of the different members of the office. Some could have believed that Osiris, in the role of the lightly coated, was the president or the vice-president of the BDS list for lack of BDE. Similarly for PM(h), he is too much on the screen not to be in the office, Sportoutatis! While in reality the office is none other than the Head of the Village and the challenged of the events, which, remember, are the minions of Nicolus Gladius Caesar.