Useless sport of the week : Cheese rolling
On April 29, 2023
You’re a recluse who only invest time in Téléfrom; to you, ambrosia is a foul-smelling blue cheese; or maybe you’d kill a man for something that stinks and could harbor the next bacterial disaster? Well, we found the perfect sport for you at the Weakly Newsletter.
No, it’s not the latest edition of Ekiden that you’re seeing but rather a “Cheese Rolling” event. The concept is very simple: young and not-so-young English people gather at Cooper’s Hill in Gloucester and race. Against each other? Yes, but not really. Their real competitor is a cheese launched one second before the start.
3, 2, 1, go! The English charge down the hill. The techniques are numerous: they can roll on the grass, stand up, or slide as best they can. All means are good to arrive - partially injured - at the bottom of the hill.
You may be wondering: “But they must hurt themselves badly, right?” If a sprain, strain, or even a fracture is something painful for you, then yes, it hurts. But don’t worry! Firstly, the winner gets a cheese, so they’re happy. Secondly, it should be said that they often go down the hill with enough alcohol in their blood to dull the pain.
Let me introduce you to Chris Anderson, who is more or less a living proof that you can capitalize on just about everything in life as long as you’re the best. Chris has simply won the competition 23 times. Well, he joined the military so he’s cheating a bit, but we have to applaude his performance considering he doesn’t like cheese except for cheddar, a model of virtue. The guy has suffered an ankle fracture, a concussion, a torn calf muscle, and bruises on his kidneys for nothing but glory and male ego. His advice: don’t fall. Well, you’ll remember that, but even he falls. However, a few analysts of the competition have noticed that he has an above-average ability to get up while maintaining his momentum. And yes, some people have done these analyses. What are they for? Not much, but they were able not to think about their horrible English life for a few hours, so that’s not bad! That’s the main thing in this competition: to have fun!
Looking at this, we can say that we are not so reckless in France after all. Don’t forget that last time we talked about drunk men throwing large rocks as far as possible. Besides, both the Bretons and the English will justify their dangerous and ridiculous sports by tradition. The “Cheese Rolling” has a somewhat obscure origin, and the first edition of the competition is estimated to be 200 years old. And why not, while we’re at it, King Arthur may have tried to retrieve the cheese back then.