Interview with the greatest author in history
Hello. Here are the minutes of an interview between me, n°1 fan of the babar-shrek fanfiction (undeniably), and its author(s). Beware! Reading this article exposes you reader to a potential spoiler. You’ve been warned…
H.P. Professional - You’ve created one of the greatest works of literature ever published in the LH. This soap opera made an impression as soon as the first chapter was published, and mine in particular, even though I wasn’t even yet admitted in Telecom. In the face of such success, what was your initial reaction and how were you able to maintain such a level of quality as the weeks went by ?
M.J. - I have to admit I was a bit embarrassed at first. You know, an artist is a bit like a sunflower. They turn their back on the sun,but, do they know why ? Do you understand ? insistent stare It’s the same, I don’t understand my genius. I write in my CROUS housing on my hassles and traumas. I never think about success. All of this, it’s an outlet, a dump, a smokehouse if you want my opinion.
H.P. crosses their legs and rests their chin on their fist, with a deeply questioning look - So, you don’t feel any pressure at all ?
M.J. - Of course, you don’t write the same way when you know you’re being read. However, did I go as far as denaturing myself to please the public ? No, never. I refused. The Censorship Committee tried several times to mince my words, but I’ve always been able to write the way I wanted to.
H.P. Nods - This fiction masterpiece features the characters Babar, Shrek and Sonic. Why did you want to bring together such… rich and varied universes ?
M.J. - The whys never get an answer. Some said I have fetishes, ideas that are a bit unhealthy. For me, Babar is a father figure, a bit of a dandy. Of course, it was natural to imagine a kind of love that everything opposes. It was the subject of the movie Shrek at first ! A father, a family man, with a gentleman’s allure, and an ogre of great beauty and sincerity. Some might see Nabokov in what I portray with Sonic, but people need to understand that it’s nothing of the sort. I just wanted to include Sonic in this weird story because the fandom really likes strange things, like making love with animals.
H.P. looks away for a bit, then resumes - I felt like you took a lot of liberties concerning the different personalities of the main characters. This had a certain comic effect on your readers. What motivated you to introduce these types of quirky aspects ?
M.J. - Look, if I no longer have the freedom of creating my characters, what’s left for me as an author ? Lock me up, close the door, turn the key and bow. Spit on me directly if that’s what people want. In the back of my cell, I’ll still be dreaming of characters that don’t exist. What a bunch of characters! M.J. gets up, starts to kneel and then slams themselves to the ground. Go ahead, kill me, do it, kill the artist in all their splendour.
H.P. takes notes angrily - Particularly, the sonic character reveals itself to be in the end …a yandere-garou alpha.In fact, I asked myself this question after philosophising for 3 hours following the publication of the last chapter, which is more of a brilliant theatrical ending than a simple good ending… Ô cruel fate ! … But what is the moral of this story ?
M.J. - When you are an artist writing a soap opera such as this one, you’re holding people hostage. I’m not afraid of words, it’s a hostage situation, or we could consider that the emotions of the readers are taken hostage. In short, I’ve got you by the short hairs - well, the short hairs of emotions. Do you understand me ? insistent stare So, from then on, I want to make you feel powerful things, that you’ll only feel a few times in your life. It’s a tragedy.
H.P. Insistent - So what about morality?
M.J. - You know, I don’t really believe in morality. My story may be a moral. When writing it, I had mine. The reader had theirs. In this story, nothing of morality manifests itself. Morality abandoned humans, and only an almighty watches them evolve, then judges them. This almighty was me. I was the human of wrath, damnation, punishment and judgement. I watched them, without any morals, I punished them for envying, for wishing, for believing, for wanting and even for loving. I was the morality. You grasp the paradoxical underlying question. The author makes their own morality while being the most immoral being there is. Writing is being without morals, it’s taking the places of gods.
H.P. - I’m sorry, I need to take a breath. Your answer was so inspiring it took my breath away… Let’s resume. During the live, we were treated to a very brief film adaptation of the series which was, and I say this with the utmost sincerity, breathtakingly good. How did you manage to make such a concise short-film ?
M.J. - I used my editing software, Sony Vegas Pro. I downloaded resources from the internet and cleverly put them together using croustis.
H.P. - Croustis ?
M.J. Croustibat. M.J. does a dance Let’s go, ratio.
H.P. Realises his mistake, bows out and pitifully resumes - T… The plot takes place in the beautiful districts of Paris. Isn’t that a bit of a cliché ? Or was it just an excuse to bring in Hidalgo in the 4th chapter ?
M.J. - And what if the story took place in your arse, if you know what I mean, How would you feel ? * M.J. pulls out a knife* My soul is Parisian. I can’t stop myself from buying Eiffel Tower key rings.
Notes of H.P. - M.J. does in fact own at least 69 Eiffel Tower key rings of all sizes and colours on her set of keys.
H.P. - But what inspired you to make a poo river ? The donkey’s indecency ? The absence of Nicolas Glady >:-( ?
M.J. - I like poop a lot. I find it very amusing. Therefore, when I started to write, Anne Hidalgo appeared simultaneously with the poo. So, I decided to connect the neurons, I could picture the Seine, the poo and Hidalgo. So I kept it simple. Concerning the donkey. Have you ever seen a donkey ? M.J. laughs for a good 20 minutes No, really. Of course, Nicolas Glady could have evolved in this universe, but it wasn’t the point of the story. His place wouldn’t have made much sense in the development of the characters.
H.P. - What do you think about a potential adaptation of the fanfiction in a visual novel?
M.J. - For fuck’s sakes, take it all. Take my bowels right now, grab all you can. Take my blood, use it as ink. Take my liver as an eraser, my eyes are your eyes, my ears are your ears. My art is your art. Let the rivers of all our sensory fluids mingle and join together, and then let them plunge into the oceans of great ideas. YES, art is all about stealing. You are the ones pushing me in the streets to pick my pockets, to find drafts, intuitions and even ideas, to take everything back, to steal everything. Nothing is acquired, everything is offered, property is merely the invention of the fear of objects. WE are the subjects, and WE are deprived of property.
H.P. - I’d like to thank you warmly for this interview, which your readers will be delighted to read and which high schoolers will be delighted to comment on once your work has found its way into school textbooks.